A Letter to Bob

A Letter to Bob

J Hotowka
Brownhill Drive
BRADFORD

August 2003

Bob Eaton
Paradise Road
HEAVEN

Dear Bob
Sorry this letter is not hand written but you know what'my writing is like, last week I gave a written note to my pharmacist and he proceeded to make it up as a prescription. Boom boom!

We`re all doing fine down here and hope you`ve settled in up there. You have no idea how much you`re being missed, especially your jokes and sense of the fun.

Enough chitchat, I`ve been asked to write something about you and I don`t really know what to mention. I wondered if you could give me a clue? I suppose, I would have to mention that your real name is William Harry Eaton and that you acquired the name "Bob" by accident. The number of times you told me, how when stationed in Germany during your army days you were asked to entertain the troops. Unfortunately (or fortunately), the posters incorrectly showed your name as "Bob" and when you actually burnt the Colonel`s £5 note in a burnt and restored routine, your fame spread. "Bob" Eaton was born.

But I know that one of your favourite army stories was when you performed at your first army show a few years earlier at Hereford. You wanted to perform the "cut and restored rope" trick but the only rope you could find was on the parade ground flagpole. The show went extremely well but nobody could understand why suddenly the flag never quite reached the top of the pole.

Quite frankly, I think the "Boys Book of Magic", which was a Quaker Oats promotion, has a lot to answer for. If you hadn`t read that book as a child your army life would have been less eventful. But then again the people you were to entertain and friends you would make in later years would have been poorer for not knowing you.

That book was responsible for spawning a catalogue of amusing adventures for you and many of those tales along with numerous jokes were told and re-told to me during the numerous Saturday evenings we spent together. Boy, do I cherish those times! I still don`t believe the one about the time you were performing at Greenhead Park in Huddersfield and asked the Lord Mayor to help with your "spring snake" trick. When the time came for him to open the basket, the snake shot out and he was so surprised that he leaned backwards and fell off the stage. It could only happen to you.

Shall I tell them about one of your experiences with Robbie Platt, the comedian who always used to exaggerate to make himself and the people he worked with sound more important. I suppose some would call it showmanship but I know you weren`t impressed, especially when one night he asked you to perform at a charity event in Cookridge. When you arrived, you came through the back door as he was introducing the next act. He stopped the show and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen the finest magician to walk on this earth has just come through the door. He has volunteered to do a show for us tonight even though he is on his way to do another event in Harrogate". Everyone applauded and cheered. You did your spot and as usual stormed the place. After the show, some people asked when you were going to get off to your next gig. Even though you were having a great time and wanted to stay at the club longer you were obliged to leave even though there was no other venue to go to.

I know you were popular on the northern Working Men`s Club circuit and you were sometimes surprised at the conditions you had to work under. I remember you telling me about the time you were booked to work at one club where the stage was in the middle of two rooms. If the audience were small they would fill the little room and open the stage curtains on that side. If it were a larger audience they would fill up the other room and open the curtains on the other side. After setting up, there you were on stage facing the curtain ready to start your spot. The introduction was made, the curtain opened, but strangely the other curtain directly behind you also opened and there was another audience waiting to be entertained. One performance, one stage and two different rooms to work to. That night you performed your very own impromptu version of "Backstage With The Magician".

How about the time, when at one particular club you were contracted to start at exactly 8.00 pm. At the allotted time nobody had turned up but the Concert Secretary still wanted you to go on stage and do your spot. Understandably, you didn`t. At 8.05 pm two people turned up and as the Con` Sec` insisted you start, you did. In your act you always needed two volunteers to help, so that night there was more people on stage than in the audience.

There were many things I admired about you. For instance, your ability to ad-lib, you always had a line to fit any situation.

I loved the way you managed to make even the most boring tricks so entertaining. A good example was the "Gozinta Boxes", surely the most ineffective item ever to be created, it was really only a puzzle, but not in your hands. You would say, "I`ve bought this blue box from a dealer down south who daredn`t come up north. It cost me £15 … we didn`t have any meat this week. It`s a blue box, inside is a gold box. If I take the gold box from the blue one and close the blue one up it fits inside the gold box." As expected there was never a reaction to the effect, but it was the next line that tore up the audience. "For £15 I`m going to do it again". You did and when the gold box was back in the blue box it was thrown on the floor in disgust. The audience loved it.

Also, the way you managed to maximise the amount of laughs from the volunteers you had on stage without offending them or making them look or feel inept, even though some were obviously, shall we say, less fortunate in the "ability" department. One incident that springs to mind was when you were booked to do a show at a Polish club in Leeds. As usual you asked for two female volunteers and two eventually joined you on stage. It wasn`t long before we all realised that one of the ladies wasn`t quite responding as she should, her friend told you she was stone deaf. Did it faze you in any way? No! But only you could proceed to give our deaf friend instructions through her chum as if she was an interpreter. To cap it all she was sat further away form the deaf lady than you, but the hilarity that ensued for the next 40 minutes was wonderful. Any other person might have embarrassed her and thus made the audience feel uncomfortable, but not you. The proof came when they booked you again the following year. This time when you asked for two volunteers two ladies immediately shot up on stage. It wasn`t long before they revealed they were the same two ladies who helped the previous year and the deaf one said, "I`ve been waiting for you all year!" The show just carried on from where you left off a year ago.

I mostly admired the fact that your act was "rubbish". You know I`m not being disrespectful because even you admitted that your props were not even good enough to be in a jumble sale. One thing that you taught us all was that "it`s not the props but the person that matters". You constantly amazed us with your comic genius, personality, sense of fun and the hilarity that you created by just being on stage.

For the people who didn`t know you, I will have to mention that you were diagnosed with Parkinson`s disease in 1993, which even though it slowly robbed you of your physical abilities, mentally you were still as sharp as ever. You never complained once, you still joked and laughed and was resolute to make the best of the situation.

A good example of this and the high regard the members of the BMC had for you was at a "Free and Easy Night" held at the Circle at Raphael House. Everyone who attended had to do a trick and you were determined to do your part. There were about 16 of us sat in rows, one by one we would go on stage and do a trick. Eventually your turn came but you could barely move from your wheel chair, so how could we all watch your trick? The solution was both simple and comical. You stayed where you were and we all got on stage.

By the way, I didn`t tell you at the time but a proud moment for me was when you were asked to give an account of your performing life at the 1998 BMC AGM. Even though you were confined to a wheel chair and could hardly control a muscle in your body, within minutes you had the audience in hysterics with anecdotes of your past. You hadn`t lost any of your comic talent or timing. Then afterwards your friends joined in with their own favourite Bob Eaton stories. That was a real gem of a night and remembered by many of us who were there.

Bob, what can I say? The honour was all mine. You were not only a very close friend and mentor but also like a second "father" to me. The friendship, generosity, love and encouragement you gave me over the years will never be forgotten.

I know you`ll be looking down on us and realising just how many friends you have left behind, how much you were admired, loved and respected. You will be missed but your warmth and many memories will live on.

So please let me know what you would like to me to write and I`ll make sure it`s done.

Yours until we meet again.

John Hotowka
Son number 2

PS If St Peter asks to see the "spring snake" trick give the basket to someone else to hold.