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I’m sure I’m not alone in this, being a magician’s wife presents some unusual occurrences. Most of these are when I’m out with Stevie. One however was when he was on his way home from work so nowhere near to lend assistance.
It was in November 2008 one tea-time. There was a knock on the door, and on the doorstep stood a wizened old man.
“Does Stephen Bellerby live here?” he asked.
“Yes he does,” I replied, “but he’s at work. How can I help?”
“I’m interested in magic and wondered if he could tell me anything about it.”
I invited the man in, knowing that Tara, our insane dog would, at a moments notice, loose all interest in licking her “giblets” and focus her attention on the visitor. My mum and son, Jamie, were also there should they be needed, although it should be clearly understood that they weren’t remotely interested in their “giblets”!
“Right what would you like to know?” I asked him to which he replied,
“I am interested in all magic, what can you tell me?”
I explained about Stevie’s role within the BMC and what magic he does. He seemed to get the idea of what Stevie does and said that he was interested in joining. I explained about the joining process as I understood it but whilst I was doing this, I felt that his mind seemed to wander and what he said next really threw me.
“What I’m really interested in is what he can do about my fleas.”
(WHAT???!!!) Then he rolled his trouser leg up and showed that it was covered in flea bites. He went on to explain that his house was riddled with them. This was when the doubts set in. I asked him where he’d got our address from, making a mental note to write and thank the staff at Bradford Town Hall! After a very useless yet informative discussion about fleas (did you know that rabbit fleas breed in sync with their hosts), I gave him some telephone numbers for pest exterminators along with some suggestions of different housing and health departments he could contact. With a wealth of options to explore, maybe he’d go.
Well three quarters of an hour later and ready to take my NVQ level 3 on the strange habits of fleas, ticks and mites, I realised I may have to get stern with him.
“Look, I’m afraid I don’t understand what it is you want Stevie to do to help.”
His reply was “I would like him to come to my house and magic my fleas away.”
I’ll just give you a moment to read that bit again. It took me a moment to realise what he’d just said.
“I’m very sorry but Stevie doesn’t do real magic like Harry Potter, he only does conjuring tricks. Pretend magic.” Yes Magicians, your wives and partners know!
Well upon realising that, the wizened old fellow thanked me for my time and left. I gave a huge sigh, went round the back to make sure he’d gone and watched him walk down the road. When he came home, all Stevie could do was laugh when I told him.
I still see the old fellow in Booths supermarket in Ilkley, although I make darn sure that he doesn’t see me! That last time he came in, he was looking for something to kill the flies in his drains!
Don’t have nightmares.
