Well as the World Cup is still going strong although drawing to a close and the weather is hot and sultry, (well it is as I am writing this anyway), I thought we would give books a bit of a rest this month and do something a bit lighter. Something for you to read stretched out on that tropical sun kissed beach with that iced drink full of fruit, umbrellas and plastic mermaids in your hand. Which I am sure it is easy for you to make disappear. Here are a few funnies that I picked up on the Internet. Hope that you like them. - Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted.
- A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
- A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
- Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
- Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
- Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doctor. The Doctor says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
- "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well........It's not unusual........."
- A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
- Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"
- Two elephants walk off a cliff ...... boom, boom!
- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
- I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. "No, you're right" he said, "The steaks are too high."
- My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.
- A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied," I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"
- I went to a really energetic "Seafood Disco" last week ... and pulled a mussel.
OK, OK you’ve probably heard most of them before but it is the Silly Season. Back to the usual next month but for now I am packing to go on holiday myself. Can’t be with you for the July meeting but see you all in August. |
